Topic:
Social media is destructive for Children’s mental health
Position:
Totally agree with this argument that social media is destructive for Children’s mental
health in so many ways.
Three arguments (controlling ideas)
1. Anxiety and Depression Have Increased
2. Cyberbullying and Virtual Assaults
3.Problems with attention and sleep patterns
In this space, type a possible thesis statement for your essay (based on the
information above). Please use all the assistance given to you both in emails and
virtual class documents. Use parallelism and correct punctuation.
Thesis Statement:
Children’s mental health is negatively impacted by social media because it reduces the
duration of attention and disturbs sleep patterns, encourages bullying and online
assault, and raises feelings of depression and anxiety.
SAMPLE Essay Detailed Plan Template Student Name: _
For detailed instructions see the Essay Detailed Plan Instructions on Slate. As you type on this template it will expand. On this template please do not include introductory material or concluding material.
Thesis Statement: Write the thesis statement using a complete sentence (not point form). Include your topic and your controlling ideas. Use parallel grammatical structures to express the controlling ideas. (Teacher comments are in RED.)
For a deep understanding of why the death penalty should be abolished, it is necessary to understand: firstly, the concept of the sanctity of life; secondly, the effect of racial discrimination on death penalty decisions; and thirdly, the risk of unintentionally executing the innocent. (excellent)
First Controlling Idea Topic Sentence: The human psyche is of value to all and it is inappropriate for it to be lost due to something wrong. (unclear, confusing topic sentence)
After you finish the topic sentence, use point form to fill in your support for the first controlling idea.
(Point Form with in-text citations.)
Supporting Detail A: the execution is against human instinct.
1. Some countries have a law that contradicts human nature.
Phelps (2002) states, “The United State is at the forefront of countries that have condemned the execution of juveniles, which has more opposition to dissidents than adults’ execution”
(p. 2)
2. The execution is insulting the human soul and against its sanctity.
the execution is a clear violation for a person and deprives human rights. According to Evans (2012) Amnesty International is launching numerous campaigns against it.
3. Execution is the installation of an error on another.
Genovese (2017) questions, How can a country punish a person for the murder mistake and then do the same mistake is contrary to logic.
This is stated by the great novelist Hugo.
Supporting Detail B: Numerous claims and jurists attempt to abolish the death penalty.
1.Thomas Jefferson
As Phelps (2002) observes, one vote was the interval in the action taken by Thomas Jefferson, who demanded the partial abolition of the execution government, but he lost because of this vote.
2. Constant criticism of the death sentence and considering it a crime against humanity.
Evans (2012) argues killing as a punishment against murder is terrible and heinous.
Supporting Detail C: the death penalty is not a deterrent to preventing crimes.
1. Increased crimes rate in countries that have a death sentence.
despite the execution of the death penalty, the crimes are continuing (Phelps, 2002)
2. The death penalty is not a deterrent.
If the execution is a deterrent, the crimes should be reduced to a rate close to zero, but this did not happen and those who support this punishment should admit that (Bedau, 2008).
(Student has attempted to build strong evidence. Uses in-text citations. Some confusing statements.)
Second Controlling Idea Topic Sentence: Racial discrimination requires the end of the death penalty to remove injustice from society. (clear statement)
Supporting Detail A: The execution is applied to a person according to special classes
1. Historically, the methods of execution the nobility differed from the methods of executing the rest of the people.
In the past, the high classes in Europe were taken into account when they were subjected to execution in ways that are palliative and free of pain, unlike the other classes on which the cruel execution free of humanity was applied (Genovese, 2017)
2. Punishing farmers by hanging.
In an atmosphere of class and racism, John Gordon was hanged, and his appeal was refused, accusing him of killing Amasa Just because John is an ordinary immigrant farmer and a rich class of diamonds (News Track, 2011)
Supporting Detail B: Execution by color.
Black skin burning.
Booker T. Washington says that three dark-skinned people were burned to death only for offending a white woman (Washington, 2015)
The difference in carrying out the punishment for the same crime varied between the white and black races.
Often a person convicted of rape is punished with imprisonment if he is white and by death if he is black (Furman vs. Georgia 1972, 2017)
Supporting Detail C: Racial discrimination
1. Executing of women of other origins.
In Oklahoma State in 2001, only two women were sentenced to death, both of whom were of African descent (African Americans, 2008)
2. African Americans continue to be the most vulnerable to execution (African Americans, 2008)
(strong effort to compile powerful evidence)
Third Controlling Idea Topic Sentence: When carrying out the death penalty there is a high risk of killing many innocent people.(clear)
Supporting Detail A: Judgment may be wrong.
sometimes witnesses are wrong.
As Phelps (2002) discusses, Judgment can be unfair based on the error of the witnesses. Many of those hanged were later proven innocent.
Derek Bentley was hanged in 1953 even though he had not committed the crime
(Phelps, 2002).
Supporting Detail B: The error in the ruling is not retracted after the execution of the judgment
1. The death penalty is considered irreversible.
The systems were not able to guarantee that the wrongdoing would not occur, as the death penalty was wrongly returned (Phelps, 2002)
2.not admitting mistakes
The execution may take place, then the judge’s error is revealed, but he refuses to admit his mistake and the case has been closed (Phelps, 2002)
Supporting Detail C: The execution will lead to more suspicion and injustice
Execution greatly affects the families The death sentence will inevitably affect innocent persons, father or son, and this is what the judge does not pay attention to (Evans, 2012)
There is no way to fully verify the accused crime.
How can we ensure that a person has committed a crime without error (In Helicon (Ed.), 2018)?
The taking of lives is not the business of humans.
(good compilation, useful for draft one)
Thesis statement is excellent; uses parallelism, correct grammar, correct punctuation, is clear and understandable, good vocabulary.
Three body paragraph plans are well-organized, but confusing in some places. Student has made good effort to include in-text citations.
When writing Draft One, the student will need to refer back to research notes for complete ideas (not everything is included in this plan, but it is a well-documented guide.)
Full and logical development will be needed in Draft One.
Grade 80/100 (A)
3 controlling ideas
Supporting ideas
Evidence
argument should be on third paragraph
700 to 1000, 3 points of evidence in each paragraph.
2 quotes and the other paragraphs .
The third paragraph should be the strongest paragraph. You have to fight for what you believe .
