This thesis has already been written but needs some improvements as instructed by an advisor. Please follow these suggestions thoroughly and complete 1-8. I do not need 11 extra pages written I just need my writing enhanced and the paper edited following these guidelines. While writing and finding new sources that fit the paper please use quotations and cite the sources within the writing PLEASE!!!! The literature review and abstract are fine and can remain unchanged.
1. Strengthen the introduction and thesis statement. (Starts on pg. 3) The introduction should clearly outline the main objectives and scope of the research, as well as provide context for the study of music censorship. The thesis statement should be more concise and focused.
2. Improve the organization and flow of the paper. The current structure jumps between different case studies and themes without a clear, logical progression. Consider reorganizing the paper to have a more coherent narrative.
3. Provide a more in-depth analysis of each case study. While the current coverage touches on several notable examples of music censorship, a more detailed examination of the historical context, key events, and impacts in each case would strengthen the overall argument.
4. Incorporate a wider range of academic sources. The paper relies heavily on a few key texts, but would benefit from engaging with a broader body of scholarly literature on music censorship, cultural studies, and related fields.
5. Tighten the writing style and reduce redundancy. There are instances of repetitive phrasing and unnecessary elaboration that could be streamlined for a more concise and impactful presentation of ideas.
6. Clarify the research methodology. The current description of the mixed-methods approach is vague. Provide more specifics on the data collection, analysis techniques, and rationale behind the case study selection.
7. Draw stronger connections between the case studies. Highlighting common themes, patterns, and contrasts across the examples would help synthesize the findings into a more cohesive argument about the global impacts of music censorship.
8. Consider expanding the conclusion. The current conclusion feels abrupt and could be strengthened by offering more substantive reflections on the broader implications of the research and potential avenues for future study.
