submission: First, your draft looks interesting, but you’ll need to make sure you are defining up front what you mean by “sustainable development” in your introduction. We need to set the terms of our argument right from the beginning to ensure both the author and readers are operating with the same basic understanding of key concepts. Don’t simply assume readers know the terms you’re using and how you intend for them to be understood. Moreover, I would strongly suggest also citing an authoritative definition or two, such as from a textbook or some other credible source. Second, you don’t have to dive deep into all three, but you should at least briefly discuss the three dimensions of sustainability (social, environmental, and economic or people, planet, profit) in your introduction. What does it mean to be socially, environmentally, or economically sustainable? Third, I also want to reinforce what the structural outline for this kind of essay should look like: 1. Introduction 2. Body a. Argument b. Argument c. Argument 3. Conclusion Your introduction should briefly tell the reader what you’re going to discuss (the main argument or thesis) and give them a preview of how you’re going to build your argument in the body of your essay. Your introduction should therefore make your purpose explicit. You should tell me directly how you are going to make a case by drawing a verbal roadmap of the argument or thesis you’re presenting. By not doing so, you risk your essay coming off as stream of consciousness that appears made up as you went along, rather than following a planned outline you’ve developed in advance. Each paragraph of the body of your essay should focus like a laser on one sub-topic…one argument…one fact set that supports your main argument or thesis. Each paragraph should build on the previous ones to lead the reader to your concluding argument or the case you’ll make in your conclusion. Help the reader (me) by connecting the dots. If there is superfluous material in a paragraph that does not serve this purpose, then edit it out as it would simply muddy the waters. I do want to reinforce the point that any claim or fact (or definition) you cite in your essay that is beyond your personal expertise or experience about a subject should be backed up by credible and trustworthy sources appropriately cited in the APA format (or MLA if you feel more comfortable with that format). Direct quotes should provide page numbers in the in-text citations…e.g., Shah (2008, p. x). Paraphrases do not require page numbers. I do expect you to use at least 3-5 scholarly citations. DO NOT use URLs alone as source citations. Also, don’t use URLs when Digital Object Identifiers (DOIs) are available as the latter are permanent, while URLs may not be available for public access or may go away. At first glance, you seem to have done a good job on your reference and in-text citations. Your conclusion should restate your thesis (main argument) and briefly summarize how your arguments support or refute it. You don’t have to make the whole argument all over again, but if I picked up the essay and skipped to the conclusion and just read that, I should be able to get the gist of what you’re trying to say. In short, tie it all together for the reader. Finally, a prompt like “What does sustainable development mean to you?” also offers some room for personal reflection. You don’t need to entirely focus on a scholarly explanation or try to sound overly erudite… i
