Rubric:
___1. Topic Sentences: clearly written and concise idea of what you will prove in this particular body paragraph. Remember, each paragraph aims to prove a piece of the thesis These need to be written like
Opinions.
___2. Explanatory/Contextual sentences: (2-3 sentences). Tell reader exactly what you mean in topic sentence – put it all in context, explain confusing terms, and state simply the pieces of the topic sentence and how reader should view them.
___3. Proof: Each body paragraph must have proof (13 pts. meaning 2-4 pieces of proof). Direct quotes must be in quotation marks. Cite these correctly! Use either author’s last name OR article title ONLY. Use paraphrases, too, but make sure these are specific and cite these. Don’t be too general, or paraphrase will sound like your topic sentence.
___4. Explanation of paragraph: analyze—create newer, larger, and deeper meaning—for this idea. Ask and answer who, what, where, why, and how questions. Speculate, deduce, infer this deeper meaning at the novel level and at the real-life level. Be bold here. Answer these questions as completely as possible. If you end up in a weird place with your thinking, brilliant. Don’t worry about giving a safe, boring answer, strive to get down to the core meaning of why this issue is being portrayed and what are its larger implications. In the end, what does it say about us, as humans, that we do these things. The answer may not be good, but that’s okay.
___5. Transitions: Used freely and abundantly to join ideas and different sections of ALL paragraphs.
___6. Body paragraphs: Does each body paragraph contain one specific argument – one opinion
proven? Does each body paragraph, individually, prove a piece of the thesis? Is the best argument (best body paragraph) at end of essay?
___7. Word Choice: Are synonyms used for fresh wording? Are personal pronouns avoided (you, I, we, our)? Are weak modifiers at a minimum (thing, stuff, a lot, many, some)? Does paragraph avoid “This shows . . .”?
___8. Grammar/Punctuation: Does paragraph have no grammar errors? Is sentence structure varied and logical? Is readability high?
___9. Format: Is paragraph double-spaced with 12 pt. Times New Roman font? Is paragraph indented?
Topic: people having no empathy.
Need to fix
Your topic sentence is very vague. I am not sure what exactly you’re trying to prove here.
Why is your first proof in quotes? That is not from the novel!
Need to cite Steinbeck and then page number after first proof.
Missing key transitions throughout.
You only quote information exactly as it appears in novel. You’re just slapping quotes around anything and calling it proof. That’s not how it works. Need to learn the difference between a paraphrase and a direct quote.
Your proof is essentially just summing up the novel.
Analyze why? Why do people struggle with empathy?
.
“The only people you have to look out for in life are the people that don’t care about anything or anyone. These are the people that end up teaching your children.”-Shannon L. Alder. This quote shows that people around the world are not having empathy for other people, and this might end up with our children acting the same as the people not having empathy. In the book Of Mice And Men by John Steinbeck, the author illustrates that the ranch signifies a microcosm of society, and the significance makes society at large seem to be a broken and evil place.
People have no empathy. Similarly, the need of people hurting other people’s feelings can be hurtful for the other person even if they did something bad. Humans often show no empathy towards people who don’t have enough money. Creating an idea that society needs to improve and make the world better. For example, In the novel Of Mice and Men, the character’s lack of empathy is a major breakdown of respect. In chapter 3, Curley’s wife speaks to Lennie in the barn. Lennie, who has a tendency to be overly affectionate and not fully understand social cues, ends up accidentally killing Curley’s wife while trying to quiet her down. The lack of empathy is evident in how the other characters react to this tragedy (Steinbeck 86). The lack of empathy is evident in how the other characters react to this tragedy. “When George finds out what has happened, he realizes the implications and the danger Lennie faces from the mob that might form to lynch him. Instead of showing compassion or understanding, George ultimately decides that Lennie must be killed to spare him from a worse fate. This decision is pragmatic rather than empathetic” (Steinbeck 106). Here, the lack of empathy is people killing each other for their anger and other personal reasons around the world. In Chapter 3, “Carlson, one of the ranch hands, pressures Candy into allowing him to shoot the dog because it is old and no longer useful. Despite Candy’s emotional attachment to his dog, the other ranch hands, including Slim, who is typically portrayed as more understanding, show little empathy for Candy’s distress” (Steinbeck 21). Lastly, “Curley, the boss’ son, confronts Lennie in the bunkhouse, accusing him of laughing at him. Despite Lennie’s attempts to defuse the situation and deny any ill intentions, Curley becomes increasingly hostile and initiates a physical altercation” (Steinbeck 12). For the simple fact that the boss treats his employee very badly even though he doesn’t know the whole story. Essentially, this concept is portrayed in the novel to underscore a basic source of conflict. It serves to demonstrate that individuals within society often struggle to empathize with others, regardless of the consequences. The author highlights this deficiency as a primary cause of societal breakdown. On a broader scale, the urge to exert control or meddle in others’ affairs stems from a desire to dominate or assert power. In a world where much is beyond one’s control, exerting power over others serves as a stabilizing force amidst chaos. However, this illusion of power only increased chaos. The root of this neglect towards treating others with empathy likely lies in ego and innate instincts developed over time to navigate the complexities of the world. Put simply, people’s failure to show empathy towards others often originates from feelings of insecurity and fear.
In conclusion, people in society will always fail to respect others in the right manner. Society and humans create an ego that wants to target and destroy others. People want to become stronger and more powerful than others, causing rage and physical violence. Just like the ranch, society fiends for a way to feel like they are better than others. Jealousy, disrespect and ego can cause society to fail, create chaos, and overall, cause humans to be overwhelmed with themselves for unnecessary reasons. To elaborate, the message that corresponds to society and the ranch is that each fails and creates their own chaos. People become foolish, people become egotistical, which gives an outcome of failure, causing society to think power reigns supreme. Wrapped up in such disgust towards others gives the idea of how negative society is at times. People think the easiest way to deal with situations is anger or chaos. When in retrospect, situations are minor parts in life, and to think violence is the answer, gives the idea of what a person is like. As shown in Steinbeck’s novel, people create their own failure, which is caused by themselves, which is very ironic. In a larger sense, our society uses disrespect and violence to solve problems, but it ends up with people tied up with their own ego, and ends up with failure.
Need to fix
Isn’t poor and not having money the same thing?
Your topic sentence is very vague. I am not sure what exactly you’re trying to prove here.
Why is your first proof in quotes? That is not from the novel!
Need to cite Steinbeck and then page number after first proof.
Missing key transitions throughout.
You only quote information exactly as it appears in novel. You’re just slapping quotes around anything and calling it proof. That’s not how it works. Need to learn the difference between a paraphrase and a direct quote.
Your proof is essentially just summing up the novel.
Analyze why? Why do people struggle with empathy?
Your analysis sounds like my example paragraph. That isn’t how analysis works. You, the writer, need to speculate as to why this is all happening. In fact, it is plagiarism to use my ideas like this. This is going to cost you gradewise. It’s a big deal.
