Please make some time to have a conversation with your counterpart for this negotiation. During this conversation, do not rehash the points of the negotiation, but take the opportunity to step back and reflect on the negotiation itself, especially now that you know the outcomes and have seen how others in the class performed. It can be helpful to use the following three steps to structure this discussion:
Overview. Walk through the negotiation step-by-step in a neutral manner like a historian and identify where positive dynamics (like trust and information sharing) or negative dynamics (like threat-making or feelings of frustration) arose. How much information sharing occurred? How many offers and counter-offers took place? What helped seal the deal and conclude the negotiation?
Experience Sharing. Tell your counterpart how you experienced the negotiation from your point-of-view. We often have no idea about how we come across to others (either positively or negatively) and we are often trying out new ways of acting in this class, which makes such feedback especially important. A time-tested formula for this is: “When you [insert specific observable behavior here (e.g., rejected my first offer, shared information about your alternatives)], I felt [insert your emotions, thoughts, or feelings here]. [Pause: allow time for the experience you shared to your counterpart to set in].” [Then, your counterpart will do the same formula, except explaining how a behavior of yours felt to them.] It will be a good idea to repeat this a handful of times, so you can share (and receive shares) about multiple experiences during the negotiation. Please keep in mind, this is a formula for people sharing their experiences, simply stating what you felt in a specific moment. Advice for the person sharing: do not provide coaching (I think you should do x), or editorialize, just say what you felt from their behavior (when you did x, I felt y). Advice for the counterpart: do not respond directly to what your counterpart says and do not try to debate whether what they felt was “accurate” or not; just actively listen and absorb their experience, and then share your experience.
Coaching. If you were a consultant or coach to your counterpart, what feedback or advice would you give them to genuinely help develop their interpersonal and business skills?
Based on this debrief, please share 3-5 key takeaways from your conversation that impact your self-knowledge (how other people experience you) and your approach to negotiation (in terms of strategies, tactics, resources, etc. that you will bring to the table moving forward).
