I wrote an rough draft research paper and it needs major work. I want you to use my same thesis and first sentence. I would like you to fix it based off of the instructions/rubric, and personal feedback that my teacher gave me.
You can delete ideas if they aren’t supported enough or are not needed. Just make sure it is between 1800 and 2000 words and has specific quotes from The Picture of Dorian Gray to support the argument.. Do not use AI.
I will attach my research paper and the rubric.
This is the feedback my teacher gave me:
Overall argument needs far more specificity and focus
NEEDS more evidence and close reading from The Picture of Dorian Gray (with quotes from the text)
Review essay organization to ensure that different paragraphs are saying different things because it is very repetitive.
add at least 2 secondary sources to propel argument forward rather than remain static
These were the original instructions:
This draft must meet the expectations of the assignment:
1800-2000 words
3 scholarly sources (i.e. academic articles or book chapters)
Full MLA citations and Works Cited page at the end
An original argument about The Picture of Dorian Gray
a) supported by ample close-reading of passages in the text, and
b) advanced in conversation with your scholarly sources
Things your Final Draft should also include (check off the boxes as you write):
FORMATTING:
Proper MLA formatting (see here for further instructions):
Times New Roman, 12 point, double spaced, 1-inch margins
A proper MLA style header on the first page (Purdue OWL: “list your name, your instructor’s name, the course, and the date”)
Your last name and the page number in the top right corner of *every page except the first page* (e.g. Margini 2)
A complete, perfectly formatted MLA Works Cited page
A good, non-boring title!
STRUCTURE:
An intro with:
a good hook and
a clearly articulated thesis statement (Note: it’s a good idea to phrase your thesis with Author or Title of Text as the subject, which emphasizes what the author/novel is up to)
Well-constructed body paragraphs. Each paragraph should be designed to make one big *point* that advances your overall argument.
Each body paragraph should have a topic sentence that clearly states the claim you’re making in that paragraph, builds on the previous paragraph, and clearly connects back to the overall thesis
A conclusion that sums up your argument but also contemplates the larger significance of what you’ve uncovered
QUOTES:
Quotations from the text. With each one, do the following (the ICE method):
Introduce the quote and integrate it into your own sentence
Cite the quote with an MLA-style parenthetical citation (the information you provide in the citation depends on what you provide in the sentence. E.g., if the author name is clear in the sentence, you just need to cite page #)
Explain the quote with at least one line of analysis per line of quoted material (note: just restating what the quote says does not count as analysis. With literary material, analyze the quote’s LANGUAGE!)
Paraphrasing of ideas from your secondary sources. You should bring in ideas/arguments from your secondary sources quite often, but explain them in your own words–and then include a citation of the source at the end of the sentence.
Quotations from your secondary sources. Use direct quotes from your sources to illustrate and emphasize the arguments you present in your own words (i.e. paraphrase). Note: you do not need to close-read, i.e. analyze, quotes from sources–just the novel.
STYLE:
Zero grammar and spelling errors!
Zero passive voice or meta-discourse! (pv)
Phrasing *in the present tense* anytime you’re talking about what happens in a book or what the author does
A maximum of 2 “to be” verbs per paragraph! (is, are, were, etc.)
