“develop your own ideas and analysis, no research is to be done for this paper”.
1) Avoid evaluation. You’ll recall from your reading in Unit 2 that whether you take an evaluative or explanatory approach depends on the assignment instructions. Ours do not ask for you to make a judgement call between the two, so your thesis should be strictly explanatory. We aren’t concerned with whether things are good or bad, whether they have benefits or downsides, or which is superior to the other. Avoid words that suggest you’re making a case of which is better worse, and stick to purely illustrating the differences without making a determination of which is better than the other.
Avoid any sort of suggestion that make create bias or preference towards one item of comparison.
Homeschooling and public schooling are both ways to educate children, but public schooling offers more socialization, exposure to more advanced knowledge, and more resources for learning.
*This thesis does contain a comparison purpose, but the second half suggests the overall purpose to the essay will be explaining why public school is better than home school because it has these added benefits. This is evaluation, which is to be avoided.
As well, be cautious of the “indirect” evaluation that comes from focusing on benefits to one without saying it directly:
Only children and siblings differ in the ability to share, make friends, and sense of entitlement.
*This thesis doesn’t directly suggest evaluation, but let’s think about it a bit more carefully. The qualities of sharing and making friends are common stereotypes in favor of siblings, and entitlement or being “spoiled” is a common stereotype against only children. As a reader, we get the impression that the writer will be in favor of siblings throughout, which creates a bias and weakens their objective authority in an explanatory compare and contrast.
(2) 1st and 2nd person. Remember that in academic writing we avoid 1st person (I/me/my/we/us/ours) and 2nd person (you/your), which means you should revise to eliminate all uses of these words. This essay should be formal and academic, which means it should not use personal experience from the writer! This is a tricky and difficult one, and the best strategy to correct is simply to rephrase without referring to yourself or the reader as “you.”
Avoid references to yourself or we/us
Paper charting differs from digital charting in the technology we use, training we receive, and accuracy of our charts.
*Rephrase to avoid all the underlined words…”technology used, training received, and accuracy of charts.”
Avoid the words “you” and “your”
Living in a big city differs from living in a small town in how close you are with your neighbors, how far you have to travel each day, and what’s available for entertainment to you.
*Rephrase and eliminate all “yous”…differs in “closeness of neighbors, daily travel, and available entertainment.”
I have attached the thesis statement and outline that i submitted already. Please use what can be used or fix if it needs fixing. thank you so much.
