Case Study 3 – Timmy’s Gender Nonconformity
Timmy, a student in Ms. Grover’s third grade class at Sully Elementary School, was often teased by classmates because he displayed what they interpreted to be “girl” qualities. Ms. Grover had been warned of this situation by Mr. Franks and Ms. Puterio, Timmy’s kindergarten and second grade teachers. In fact, ever since his kindergarten year at the school, teachers and administrators had noticed not only that Timmy preferred to play with girls and was noticeably uncomfortable interacting with boys, but that he much preferred stereotypical “girl” toys and books.
Mr. Franks noted that, as a kindergartner, Timmy gravitated toward the play station that contained a chest full of costumes. He especially liked a princess gown and tiara that were kept in the chest. At that time the children didn’t seem to care much. They made an occasional remark about those being girls’ clothes or toys or books, but Mr. Franks always stepped in quickly to say that all of the clothes and toys and books in the room were for everybody. He was a little worried that Timmy’s parents might not approve of this approach, but his mother, who always picked him up from school and often saw him playing with other girls or carrying around a doll, never said a word about it.
Timmy’s first and second grade teachers handled the situation similarly, but noticed that the teasing was slowly intensifying. Ms. Puterio notice the same thing and, like Mr. Franks, was always quick to defend Timmy. She also saw, to her disappointment, that several of the girls who had been friendly with Timmy began to nudge him out of their social circles and join in on the teasing. She tried to speak with the girls about this, urging them to be nice to Timmy, but it didn’t help. Timmy, who was not very outspoken anyway, did not seem very upset about losing friends, and nothing had escalated into physical altercation, so Ms. Puterio did not worry too much about it. She knew though, that as Timmy grew older the teaching would become fiercer and somebody would need to intervene in a more serious way.
One day, a few months into the school year, Ms. Grover noticed that several students were standing around Timmy’s desk, pointing and laughing. “What’s going on back there?” she inquired.
“Timmy’s a girl!” one of the students shouted, eliciting attention and laughter from around the classroom.
“He painted his fingernails, like a girl,” another student said, giggling.
“It’s just one nail, Timmy muttered softly, bending forward and hiding his face in his arms, which were crossed on the desk in front of him.
Approaching Timmy’s desk, Ms. Grover could see that the pinky nail on his left hand was painted white. “Everybody take your seats. There will be no teasing in this classroom. We are who we are and we respect one another.”
As the students were taking their seats Ms. Grover knelt down next to Timmy’s desk and asked, in a whisper, “Do your parents know you painted your fingernail?”
“My mom knows,” he whispered back, tears in his eyes. “She only would let me paint one.”
Ms. Grover felt conflicted. On the one hand she knew children could be brutal with each other over gender identity and that a majority of bullying at school happens beyond the earshot of teachers. She did not quite understand what was going on with Timmy, but she wanted him to be able to express himself in whatever way felt right for him She also knew, though, that she and the other teachers could not protect Timmy from the increasingly harsh bullying he was going to have to endure, especially down the road when he would start middle school.
Part of her wanted to urge Timmy’s parents to convince him to try to fit in a little better as school—to refuse to allow him to come to school with nail polish, to make him cut his hair a little shorter, and maybe even to help him try to make friends with some of the boys in his class. Another part of her wanted to figure out a way to create a safe environment for Timmy exactly as Timmy wanted to be, but she knew that would take a school-wide team effort on the part of every adult in the building, and she was not sure everybody would be on board. She also figured she needed to find some educational way to address what was going on with her students despite not fully understanding it herself, and to do so without further alienating Timmy.
Questions:
- Timmy’s teachers from kindergarten through second grade, despite noticing that he was being teased more and more, chose not to intervene, except for quashing the teasing. Should they have done something more, such as educating students about gender identity? If so, in your opinion at what age would addressing gender identity issues be appropriate?
- How should Ms. Grover broach this conversation with Timmy’s parents? Timmy specified that his mom knew he had painted his fingernail. Should Ms. Grover reach out to Timmy’s mother, specifically, unsure about whether his father knew about the situation?
- How would you, if you were Timmy’s teacher, have responded to the teasing Timothy was experiencing? How would you have reached out to Timmy, mindful not to draw unwanted attention to him?
- Part of Ms. Grover’s challenge is that although she wanted to try to make the school a more welcoming place for Timmy, she was unsure of her ability to do so. This led her to wonder whether it might be safe for Timmy to conform while he is at school. What would you advise Ms. Grover to do?
