attached is the instructions, including the short story and poem. please read directions carefully. and below is the feedback to the poem and short story.
poem: 1. What imagery or lines in this poem are the most powerful to you?
The lines that are most powerful to me in this poem is,
“Here, within this holy inner part is where I feel totally rejuvenated.
I am my happiest when I am alone.
And the murmur of my thoughts seem to wane.
Moreover, I rekindle a sense of determination.”
This stuck out to me because of how much this expresses the peace the narrator feels alone. This gives the audience a look into how at-peace the narrator is with themselves as a person and a soul. It is very powerful and conveys self-love and confidence.
2. What imagery or lines in this poem are the least powerful to you?
The line that was the least powerful to me was,
“However, the sound of the town slowly starts to deminish.”
This line was the least powerful because it just seemed like it was an add-on to the stanza. In the first stanza, the comparison between the bustle and loudness of the city to how the narrator escapes to their inner self to get away from that, already suggests that the sounds have began to deminish.
3. Do you see any particular rhyme scheme (this will probably be the shortest answer)?
There seems to be no specific rhyme scheme or pattern to this poem, which illustrates how flowy the poem is, as the narrator seems to just speak their mind.
4. Are any parts of this poem confusing?
There were no confusing parts of this poem, as the message of being at peace with oneself and escaping to the mind to get away from the chaos was deepy conveyed.
5. What suggestion can you provide for improvement on this poem? (You MUST suggest something. ALL drafts can be changed somehow, even if just for experimentation.)
The only thing I believe should be changed is the line at the end of stanza two. The beginning of the poem already suggests that the sound of the city is silenced as the narrator dives into their thoughts. The only thing that I would suggest instead is maybe a few more lines on just how silent and free the narrator feels within their own presence and thoughts
short story: The narrative centers on Thomas, who, upon finding an antiquated key and a cryptic note in his grandmother’s attic, is drawn into the enigmatic depths of a moonlit forest. This key is the gateway to a secret nestled within a venerable greenhouse, unveiling a mesmerizing tableau of his grandparents’ cherished recollections. This tale is an odyssey of self-discovery, delving into the ethereal nature of familial ties. As the story states, “Thomas was filled with the sounds and images of the past,” highlighting the central theme of memory and connection.
The narrative’s most compelling aspect is the lucid portrayal of the greenhouse and its enchanting metamorphosis. The depiction of the rose bush, bathed in the glow of the key’s enchantment, is especially evocative: “One rose bush was highlighted… shining as the spell touched it.” This moment captures the enchantment of the setting and the emotional depth of Thomas’s experience, making it a memorable and impactful part of the narrative.
Conversely, the narrative’s potential shortcomings include the scant development of Thomas’s persona and the story’s succinctness. Despite the richly detailed magical elements, Thomas remains an enigma, defined solely by his actions. Furthermore, the redundancy in the concluding segment may be perceived as superfluous, failing to contribute fresh insights or emotional depth to the narrative.
To elevate the story, enriching Thomas’s character would instill greater depth and engage the reader’s empathy. Introducing dilemmas or hurdles could infuse the tale with suspense and vigor. For example, Thomas might grapple with the choice between lingering in the beguiling past or confronting the starkness of reality. Additionally, honing the narrative to eradicate redundancy and enhance coherence would bolster its readability and emotive impact.
