Attached is my rough draft which I need help editing looking at the feedback and the final draft requirement. The file name is Bringing things into focus Repercussions of Labeling in Education A Focus on Foreign Student Experien….
Feedback from Professor- FORMATTING: the introduction paragraph is center aligned, instead of left aligned. That needs to be fixed. You also appear to be merging MLA and APA citations in the essay. Please use one formatting style and stick with it. You also do not need the word “page” in your citation. Finally, be careful of the spaces between sentences. In some cases there is no space, and in others it seems like you have extra spaces.
Overall, this is a good first draft. You have a strong argument. That said, I would like to see you make more and better use of your research. You’ve only cited three things here, when you should be using all the evidence you found in your annotated bibliography project.
Because you are not using all your research sources, your body paragraphs come off more like summaries of the sources you quote/paraphrase rather than paragraphs grounded in your own ideas. I’m also not seeing a lot of synthesis language in your work, which is something I am looking for.
Aside from these critiques, your work here looks good. I think with a little more work to clean up some of these concerns, you could end with a very strong final draft.
For your reference
Again, this assignment submission–the final essay
draft–should articulate a research interest, summarize and
critically-engage sources in response to that interest, and draw on that
engagement in support of making an argument in relation to those
sources and your research interest.
And here again are the requirements in detail (with tips for meeting those criteria in blue!):
Clearly articulate the writer’s central line of inquiry (explain in detail what you are trying to learn through examine and evaluating the perspectives of your sources)
Maintain a clear purpose for writing that grows out of the writer’s inquiry (explain how the other researchers interested in your topic–the research community–will benefit from the work you’re doing)
Make strategic composing decisions in response to the writer’s rhetorical situation (shape
your essay so that your readers–the community of researchers
interested in your topic–will find it relevant, credible, and
persuasive)
Provide relevant background information and definitions of key terms (give background information about your sources, your topic, and identify and explain any necessary key terms)
Introduce, summarize, and otherwise integrate sources
effectively and ethically, through paraphrase and direct quotation,
while providing insight into the rhetorical situations of those sources
and breakdowns of their arguments (just
as you learned to do in the first unit, give your sources’ full names
when you first mention them, share the titles of their works, explain
their audience, purpose, and context, identify the claims they make and
the evidence they use to support those claims, and summarize their
perspectives through paraphrase and direct quotation)
Critically engage sources’ perspectives through
interpretation, analysis, and critique in service of making a logical,
well-supported argument that contributes to the conversation taking
place around the writer’s topic (go
beyond summary to evaluate your sources’ perspectives and weigh their
helpfulness in the context of your inquiry in support of making an
argument that other researchers will find new and useful)
Meet academic expectations for clarity, cohesion, organization, paragraph structure, grammar, and mechanics (make sure your draft is organized, flows well, makes connections, and is grammatically correct)
Properly cite sources—both in-text and through an
accompanying works cited page—in accordance with MLA.
Achieve a length of no less than five full pages (you
will not receive a passing grade if you submit anything other than five
full pages of writing; your works cited/bibliography page or title
page/abstract do not count toward this length)
Word or Google doc, double spaced, 12pt font
Write
Read through your draft with a critical eye, paying attention to
clarity, precision, grammatical correctness, transitions, “flow,” and
other surface features, though if you catch any other mistakes or
issues, feel free to correct them. Revise your draft to be as perfect
and professional as you possibly can. Use the feedback you received on
the previous draft as a starting point.
