Article World Gone Mad by Derrick Jensen, Introduction with the thesis statement and if you agree In his essay, STEPS TO WRITING
1. Somewhere in the introduction (preferably in the first sentence), your peer should introduce the title of their selected essay and the full name of the author. It should resemble something like this:
In his essay, “Saudis in Bikinis,” Nicholas D. Kristof discusses the controversy surrounding the abaya, the veil worn by Muslim women.
Comment specifically on the wording of how they introduce their selected essay. Consider offering a suggestion for how to revise this sentence to sound/flow even better. All of you need to avoid the word “by” in this initial source introduction, so if your classmate has the word “by,” point it out to them and make some suggestions for how to reword it. Don’t just tell them to reword it; give them some options.
2. Does the introduction end with a clear thesis statement that indicates whether peer agrees or disagrees with the author?
Example: I disagree with Kristof; the women of Saudi Arabia deserve the right to liberate themselves, or, if they so choose, to remain dedicated to the traditions of their culture.
Check to see that they did this. Comment specifically on the wording of how they introduce their selected op-ed. Consider offering a suggestion for how to revise this sentence to sound/flow even better. Don’t just tell them to reword it; give them some options.
3. After the initial introduction of the author by their full name, you should be referring to them from that point forward by just their last name or a pronoun he or she. Does your peer do this?
Find and highlight ALL the references to the author. Every. Single. One!
If you see the author’s last name or he or she, let your classmate know that they’ve done a good job.
If there’s anything other than the other’s last name (e.g. the author’s first and last name, just their first name, or “the author”), let them know they should change it.
(Note: some of the essays have more than one author. In this case, the acceptable references to them are both their last names, “the authors,” and “they.”)
4. When referring to something someone has written, we need to use present tense verbs.
Find and highlight ALL the verbs your peer uses to refer to the author’s writing. Every. Single. One!
Make sure they are in present tense. (Verbs not referring to the author do not have to be in present tense.)
When a verb referring to the author is in present tense, let you peer know they’ve done a good job. If it isn’t, tell them and then fix it for them!
5. Let’s also all be the talks, says, speaks, goes on to, proceeds to “police.” If you notice any of these, mark them AND suggest a better present tense verb, like one of these:
explains, writes, states, describes, concludes that, mentions, provides, feels, understands, suspects, doubts, asks, probes, shows, tells, insists, asserts, urges, qualifies, hints, details, contends, questions, explores, imagines, clarifies, rationalizes, justifies, declares, defends, reasons, elucidates, illustrates, depicts, introduces, expresses, compares, indicates, argues, implies, informs
6. Check to see if ALL the direct quotes from the essay are formatted correctly. Does each one have a lead-in phrase and an in-text paragraph citation? Carefully review the formatting for every single one and BE PICKY about commas, spaces, etc. If there is an error, tell them and then fix it for them. If the formatting looks good, tell them that too!
To be clear, you should be writing something for every single in-text citation, not just one comment about all of them.
In-text formatting example: Friedman writes, “Today, just about everything is becoming a commodity, except imagination, except the ability to spark new ideas” (par. 4).
7. The summary that begins each body paragraph should help readers develop a functional understanding of the concept without having to read the op-ed, and the ideas should be clearly attributed to the author. This usually takes 3-4 well-developed sentences to do.
For each and every body paragraph, give your classmate very specific feedback on how well they did this. If they did it well, tell them so and explain why it looks good. If they didn’t, tell them how they could expand the discussion.
To be clear, you should be writing something for every body paragraph, not just one comment about all of them.
8. Does each body paragraph follow the pattern we have discussed? It should be a summary, a direct quote, and a reaction/response–in that order. Check EACH body paragraph carefully. Every. Single. One!
If they follow this pattern, tell them so! If they don’t follow this pattern, make a note of it for them and carefully explain the problem.
To be clear, you should be writing something for every body paragraph, not just one comment about all of them.
9. Review the handout for Introducing Sources (attached above).
The first time an outside source is used, the title and the author of the source needs to be introduced. Find each source introduction and compare each one to the templates on the handout. Every. Single. One!
If it EXACTLY matches one of the templates on the handout, tell them they’ve done a good job. If it doesn’t, tell them so and revise it for them.
All of you need to avoid the word “by” in source introductions, as none of the templates include that word. So, if your classmate has the word “by,” point it out to them and make some suggestions for how to reword it. Don’t just tell them to reword it; give them a new template from the handout.
Of course, sources only need to be introduced once. So, if they introduce a source a second time, remind them they don’t need to do that.
10. Is your classmate’s Works Cited page formatted properly? If you don’t know, use the handout attached above.
Check EACH of the bullets at the bottom of the handout to see if they’ve done that, and if they haven’t let them know. Tell them exactly what they need to revise AND what they’ve done correctly.
SAMPLES OF THE INTRODUCTION PARAGRAPH his essay, “Saudis in Bikinis,” Nicholas D. Kristof discusses the controversy
surrounding the abaya, the veil worn by Muslim women. He specifically turns his attention to
the women of Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. Throughout the essay he interviews Saudi women and
analyzes the clash between traditional Muslim culture and Western influences. Despite the
women’s assurances that they actually prefer life with the abaya, Kristof begins and ends his
essay insisting that these women are being repressed and their preference to remain second-class
citizens is foolish and welcomes (and possibly deserves) outside criticism. He even suggests
Western intervention to assist the liberation of Muslim women. I disagree with Kristof. Saudi
women deserve the right to liberate themselves, if they so choose, or to remain dedicated to the
traditions of their culture that—while they may seem different to American onlookers—guard
their quality of life. Mention the title and author of your selected essay +
Short general summary of the entire essay +
Your thesis statement
SAMPLE OF THE BODY PARAGRAPH
Friedman argues that legal immigration provides this country with bright minds and that
these bright minds will continue to come up with imaginative ideas that will drive economic
competition and commerce. He suggests that the inexpensive logistics of producing prototype in
China, manufacturing it in Vietnam, selling it online, and hiring firms to manage shipping are all
bound to the prerequisite of having a unique, inventive, and original idea. He writes, “Today,
just about everything is becoming a commodity, except imagination, except the ability to spark
new ideas” (par. 16). Friedman suggests that these “sparks” can come from legal immigrants,
especially from Asian countries “[a]s long as we don’t shut our doors” (par. 17). I agree; if
people with groundbreaking ideas want to come help this country be better, we should encourage
and welcome them. If done legally, an increase in immigration can only provide more
revolutionary ideas to this country. It only seems to make sense that bringing in talented minds,
especially youthful ones, from different countries to contribute to our companies can only help
the United States in the long run. In his article, “Visa cap cuts off immigrants with advanced
degrees,” Jens Manuel Krogstad describes Kazeem Olanrewaju’s situation. Olanrewaju is a
native of Nigeria and recently earned his doctorate in chemical and biochemical engineering
from the University of Iowa. Unfortunately, his student visa is set to expire, and because the
process of renewing visa can take years, Olanrewaju in considering moving to Canada, whose
“national immigration policy that targets visas to match local needs [and] sponsors immigrants…
with advanced degrees” (Krogstad 44). While our country certainly provides young American
minds to contribute to this effort, we should also be open to legal immigration, so that we can
maximize our creative potential and our success.
Summary of one point in your own words + a direct quote detailing that point + your response +
the use of an outside source to support your response
NO AL use , the introduction paragraph should Mention the title and author of your selected essay +
Short general summary of the entire essay +
Your thesis statement
2. The body paragraph’s should be Summary of one point in your own words + a direct quote detailing that point + your response + the use of an outside source to support your response
