Written Assignment | Professional Email
Document for Analysis: Applying Expert Writing Techniques to a Poor E-Mail Message
Your Task. Based on information gleaned from Chapters 1-7 of your Cardon textbook, analyze the following demanding e-mail to be sent by the vice president to all employees. This is a two-part assignment.
Discuss the tone and writing faults in this message. Then, revise the message so that it reflects some of the writing techniques you learned from the textbook.
In your rewritten version, how can you make this message more courteous, positive, and precise? Focus on conciseness, familiar words, and developing the “you” view.
Critique this e-mail using Microsoft Word’s or Google Docs Track Changes and Comment feature. Then rewrite the email in your own words.
To: All Staff
From: Sybil Montrose ************************
Subject: Problematic Online Use by Employees
Cc:
Attached: E-Mail and Internet Policy
Once again I have the decidedly unpleasant task of reminding all employees that you may NOT utilize company computers or the Internet other than for work-related business and essential personal messages. Effective immediately a new policy must be implemented.
Our guys in IT tell me that our bandwidth is now seriously compromised by some of you boys and girls who are using company computers for Facebooking, blogging, shopping, chatting, gaming, and downloading streaming video. Yes, we have given you the right to use e-mail responsibly for essential personal messages. That does NOT, however, include checking your Facebook or other networking accounts during work hours or downloading your favorite shows or sharing music.
We distributed an e-mail policy a little while ago. We have now found it necessary to amplify and extrapolate that policy to include use of the Internet. If our company fails to control its e-mail and Internet use, you will continue to suffer slow downloads and virus intrusions. You may also lose the right to use e-mail altogether. In the past every employee has had the right to send a personal e-mail occasionally, but he must use that right carefully. We don’t want to prohibit the personal use of e-mail entirely. Don’t make me do this!
You will be expected to study the attached E-Mail and Internet policy and return the signed form with your agreement to adhere to this policy. You must return this form by March 1. No exceptions!
