Going to focus more on this topic. “What is the typical path to recovery (physical, mental, emotional, etc.) for dancers experiencing this mental health issue?” Norrowing down whats in the paper already.
This is a great research area within the dance sector that continues to
grow. I applaude the author for looking into the impact injuries have
on a dancer’s mental health.I also think the first part of the title should be tweaked.
It does not provide a clear sense of what the article is about. The lit review and the
discussion sections should be reorganized.The subcategories are not fully
developed and need additional citations. Each section is too short and the amount of subcategories
is overwhelming. There needs to be a more cohesive throughline. There are many
fantastic resources focused on this issue that could be included. Additionally, the two graphs presented
feel out of place and the overall writing structure needs to be strengthened. A very good
start, but needs more flushing out.
This writing demonstrates significant concern for the physical and mental wellbeing of dance practitioners, and it argues for greater consideration of their post-injury needs across multiple sectors. There is likely a need for further research on this front. For that reason, the submission is considered acceptable in its relevance. Further, the introduction is relatively salient in outlining this topic, and the title is both creative and descriptive.
Despite the likely need for further research on this topic, this submission tends to approach the problem with too broad a scope. The majority of the writing is structured as a list summarizing various mental health problems facing injured dancers, and much of this content appears to be primarily drawn from just two sources: Ducci and van Winden et al. Often structured as paraphrases or summaries of their work, the bulk of this submission’s content appears to represent a relatively narrow perspective while attempting to speak broadly to complex issues of individual and social repercussions resulting from injuries within dance performance. Additionally, this submission reads as overly authoritative in its treatment of a large and diverse performer group, in that it tends to make sweeping claims about how dancers perceive or respond to the process of injury and recovery. While many of its statements on the personal thoughts and experiences of a dancer navigating an injury are within the realm of reasonable expectation, they nevertheless depend on some degree of assumption. Rarely, if ever, are statistics or specific data-points offered to validate such broad claims about the mental health experiences of injured dancers. This undermines the philosophical integrity of the work, and unfortunately, it tends to be reductive of the experiences of dancers as unique individuals.
The section on further research is intriguing, and it offers some valid concepts for further exploration. However, this section is too broad, attempting to address too many distinct topics for future research, and more importantly, it does not adequately explain the path forward for any such research. This section appears to be heavily self-referential with regards to the article as a whole, and it almost seems to assume that this individual article is an adequate basis for exploring multiple, diverse topics deriving from the subject of mental health issues in dance injuries. At best, the current state of this submission could serve as a catalog of mental health repercussions that may arise from a dance injury, but in reference to an earlier point, even that function appears to be somewhat redundant in existing literature, since the majority of the submission consists of paraphrasing or summarizing relevant concepts from Ducci and van Winden et al.
This submission reads as highly passionate on the subject of mental health support for injured dancers. That passion can be a valuable tool in guiding research interests, and the author is
strongly encouraged to continue pursuing research that is personally meaningful. However, while passion can be valuable in guiding research, it is generally advisable to temper the language used in academic writing. Over-relying on impassioned speech can lead researchers into the trap of not properly focusing on quantitative or qualitative data to support their arguments.
The author is encouraged to continue pursuing this research, but with a much tighter focus. For instance, the author might select just one or perhaps a small sampling of the issues described in this submission for further exploration. Rather than presenting a catalog of mental health issues, pick one or a small number of them presented here to use as the basis for research exploring questions such as: “How often does this mental health issue arise among injured dancers, based on clinical data from medical practitioners (doctors, therapists, etc)?” “What is the typical path to recovery (physical, mental, emotional, etc.) for dancers experiencing this mental health issue?” “What are the results in a dancer’s life when this issue is handled well or poorly?” “What do the answers to these questions reveal about the current state of systemic support for dancers recovering from injuries, can the current state of support be improved, and if so, how?”
If the author employs the above corrections, this could produce a much-needed resource in the field of dance health.
