Ok so this is complicated. I placed this order earlier and had another writer work on it. I got him feedback from my TA and more but he wouldn’t ompletely work on it and just neglect. I have attached his most recent draft below. Assignem,nt instructions also written below. Sources can be used below. and feedback I have given him so far also there.
Lets start with instructions:
Prompt: Both Paul and Augustine experience literal and figurative journeys in their respective stories. Over the course of these travels they are exposed to ideas that challenge their previously held beliefs. Do they respond in similar ways? Do their ideas or frameworks for understanding the world help one or both of them reconcile what they thought they knew with their newfound truths?
This prompt is about philosophical systems interacting with the human world. You need to combine an argument as to how both Paul’s and Augustine’s philosophical frameworks collide, contradict and/or coexist with their lived experiences. Be specific in both the philosophical approaches and lived experiences sections of your essay. Remember to include a counter-argument in your essay. Finally, there needs to be something that links the two people throughout the essay. This isn’t an apples to oranges comparison as their are multiple points of comparison between the two people. You should clearly highlight those for the reader and make them part of your argument.
Below I have attached and writing handbook which will guide you what exactly is expected from the essay and each paragraph and citation everything. Each paragrapgh should be close to a page long at least but not longer than a page. There should be 1 Introduction paragraph, body paragraph 1, body paragraph 2, body paragraph 3, 1 Counterarguement to anyone of the body paragraphs. Then finally a conclusion. Each body paragrapgh MUST have 2 quoted evidences from the sources attached below. And 2 evidences in counterarguement as well which goes as 1 evidence for counterarguuement and 1 evidence to counter that counterarguement. So in total 8 quoted Evidences.
Structure:
Introduction: First line, 3 lines for background just basic minimal what i need to know for this essay. then Claim. Claim must state a position, claim and claim clarification.
Body paragraphs 1,2 &3: Topic sentence, 2 lines giving basic background for evidence. Quote from confession or acts analysis 2-3 lines connecting it back to thesis. Then 2 lines giving basic background for evidence 2then quote from the other source not the same one as in evidence 1. 2-3 analysis lines connecting it to thesis. Ending paragraph with explain how both the characters are similar.
Counterargument: Topic sentence. 2 lines giving basic background for evidence. quote Quote from confession or acts analysis 2-3 lines. Introducing refuting evidence 2 lines. Refuting evidence from the other source not the same one as in evidence 1. 2-3 analysis lines connecting it to thesis. Ending paragraph with explain how both the characters are similar.
Conclusion.
This is what I need nothign more nothing less just basic clear arguement not extra stuff but this writer couldnt just understand this and did 8 revision but still submittying a failing paper.
Now heres whats good in his current paper or what needs to be changed or what can stay from his paper.
Introduction: Thesis can stay everythign else needs to be changed.
Body paragraphs: topic sentences are ok but need to improve. Background change. Augustine evidences can stay but their analsyis needs to improve. Paul evidence are ok but most of them needs to be changed and they don’t have any analysis so need to be added. None of the body’s have the ending where its explained how they are similar.
Counter: except Augustine evidence everything needs to change, topic sentence, backgroyund analysis everything.
Conclusion rewritre based on the new version of essay you write.
Now his essay has more than 6 paragraphs you can use info from that extra paragraph if you think its helpful in someway idk, it is kind of a stupid paragraph but you can use info from it if its making sense in this essay. BUT NO MORE THAN 6 PARAGRAPHS AND ALL NEED TO BE CLOSE A PAGE LONG AT LEAST. INTRODUCTION AND CONCLUSION CAN BE A LITTLER SHORTER.
Below I have attached the confessions Augustine text you can use. And I have also attached the handbook which you can refer to for essay formatting.
for acts please use this link only and all 28 chapters of acts can be used.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts%201&version=NRSVUE
YOU CAN ONLY USE QUOTES FOR EVIDENCES NO PARAPHRASING AND I NEED AT LEAST 8 QUOTES MINIMUM. 4 FROM AUGUSTINE AND 4 FROM ACTS. 1 FROM EACH SOURCES IN EACH BODY AND COUNTER. AND FOR EACH QUOTE MAKE SURE TO PROVIDE CHATER AND LINE NUMBER FOR EACH QUOTE AND PAGE NUMBER IF POSSIBLE.
I know the time is less, i am sorry about that but the writer really messed it up. if you can pull this off and provide and great essay I will add tip and try to make it a 100. BELOW I HAVE COPIED MY TEXTES TO THE WRITER THESE HAVE SOME =GREAT FEEDBACK POINTS FROM HIS REVISIONS I ASKED BUT HE COULDN”T DELIVER ALLIN HIS LAST REVSION ATTAC HED BLOW. JUST MAE SURE YOU READ THESE CHATS.
Hey there are some important things we need to change before I can send it ahead for a review.
1. Longer Intro
2. if the counterargument paragraph is the one before conclusion then we need a better argument for counter with two quotes. 1st quote for counterargument, 2nd to counter that counter argument in that same paragraph.
Hello Jacob, I had the TA who is going to grade the essay this time read it
10:02 PM
I am going to be blunt about what he said to me
10:03 PM
He said it on my face that this is worse than previous one, looks like didn’t even read my comments
10:03 PM
Here are a couple of things he said, into is somewhat making point but overall essay is all over the place and not sticking to anything
10:04 PM
too much description is given before each evidence
10:04 PM
it should be simple strong topic sentence/sub claim some bits of description as he knows the book and then evidence and analysis connecting it back to thesis then description for 2nd evidence for that same sub claim then evidence and then analysis and end paragraph
10:06 PM
he said must have 1 intro, 3 body paragraphs, 1 counterargument to any of the 3 body and then conclusion total 5 paragraphs each close to a page long. THIS IS MUST
10:07 PM
Here is some more detail on what you can use while rewriting it
ok I am not able to post correct deadline but I’ll give it you here
10:20 PM
Thesis and topic sentences I need to show on Friday so tomorrow night pleas get me those
10:20 PM
and whole essay by Friday night Saturday morning as I am meeting him Saturday afternoon
10:20 PM
Okay
10:21 PM
16 May
I read it I hav become really confused especially not knowing the text but seems like there were changes made for now, you are missing the conclusion paragraph , could you please get that and I’ll have my TA read see what he says
06:17 PM
Let me check on that.
06:18 PM
Hello, you can review the revised file, I’m sure everything is all right.
10:47 PM
17 May
I had him read it rn, here’s what we need to change, thesis is not making a clear statement so need to change that’s 1
01:58 PM
2. Body paragraph 1 and 2 the ones completely dedicated to One for Paul and one for Augustine are not working
01:59 PM
Okay, let me fix that.
01:59 PM
Anything else?
01:59 PM
this is a comparative essay just like you wrote Body 3, body 1 and 2 should be same comparing the both of them how they are similar as that’s what you did in body 3 and thats what we are arguing
02:00 PM
some points though that were made in those paragraphs could be used in body 3 but not neccessary
02:00 PM
he suggested in someway I have something that I can create one paragraph with topic sentence “Augustine and Paul both use experience as a framework to discover and learn about new philosophies to help them create their own.”
02:01 PM
So major chnages
02:01 PM
Thesis in Introduction
Create a body paragraph 1 using the above topic sentence.
Completely do Body 2
Body 3 Fine
Counter(suggested to move it and use the same to counter the new body 1 with some minimal changes)
Conclusion obviously changes with that
02:04 PM
Okay, noted. Let me fix it.
02:05 PM
oh for thesis you are not clear its confusing we can’t figure it if you are arguing they are similar or different
02:06 PM
I mean reading the essay we figure that u are arguing they are similar but thesis doesn’t say that
02:07 PM
Ok
02:07 PM
So you must make a claim that states your position and then give a thesis clarification
02:08 PM
Noted.
02:08 PM
also so because the Body 1,2,3 are showing how Paul and Augustine are similar. In the analysis of each paragraph there must be at least 1 sentence in each of those paragraphs that says “Paul and Augustine x”, “Paul and Augustine Y” etc. Make them both talk to eachother
02:35 PM
Okay.
02:35 PM
he just stated in discussion, the thesis should have your “position(similar) because (claim) which/and/to(claim clarification)”
02:43 PM
Okay, let me fix that.
02:44 PM
and In citation please include line number if you have it
02:45 PM
Alright.
02:46 PM
19 May
any update, how long do you think it will take?
05:26 PM
Working on it my client.
05:26 PM
ok just please try to be done with it by 9AM as I am meeting him at 9:30AM
05:35 PM
Well noted.
05:35 PM
Hello, you can review the latest file and let me know if everything is okay or if you need more changes.
11:43 PM
20 May
1 major problem I saw just by looking at it
12:57 AM
there are more than 6 paragraphs
12:57 AM
you have about 11 paragraphs including intro and conclusion
12:58 AM
and 2 of them don’t even have an evidence
12:58 AM
so if you could please combine or remove idk but no more than 6 paragraphs
1. Intro Para
2. Body Para 1
3. Body Para 2
4. Body Para 3
5 Counter para
6 Conclusion para
12:59 AM
8 quotes in total
12:59 AM
4 from each text
12:59 AM
20 May
1 from each text in each body para and counter
01:00 AM
please get this fixed before 9AM so that I have something to show in the meeting
01:00 AM
I know I have been a headache but I am sorry these were in basic instructions and in the handbook
01:00 AM
please get this fixed ASAP but by 9AM
01:01 AM
thank you
01:01 AM
Okay, I think that’s all that you need to be fixed, right.?
01:01 AM
for now yes because this is immediately a rejection, ta won’t even read this to give me comments
01:02 AM
so for now just this, will let you know if TA says anything once u update this by 9AM
01:02 AM
Okay.
01:02 AM
My meeting got rescheduled I am meeting in two hours, but you didn’t fix one dissue
02:19 PM
the counterargument doesn’t have any evidence
02:19 PM
Hi
02:20 PM
Let me check on that
02:21 PM
it needs to be a little longer and must have two evidences
02:21 PM
Okay
02:21 PM
1 that is supporting the counterargument and 2nd that is countering the counterargument
02:22 PM
Okay
02:30 PM
B7525582.docx
Size: 22.4 Kb
File(s) attached to order. 03:14 PM
Done
03:14 PM
No the counterarguemtn evidences still don’t work
04:02 PM
as mentioned before they can’t be paraphrased
04:02 PM
have to be quotes from the text
04:02 PM
Okay
04:03 PM
Let me check on it
04:08 PM
Just attended the meeting.
introduction: No useful information. Too wordy, no thesis. Just give basic background info that one needs to read this essay and then thesis is kind of not there. Same format for thesis I told you on Friday that has not been incorporated
Body Paragraphs: Topic sentence what is it where is it going. it’s not connected with thesis. I mean thiesis is kind of missing but still. You never said how they are similar, just gave the quote and stuff but never explained how they are similar. A lot of sentence raise the question of how or why? There is an argument in it but other stuff hides it. basically we have an idea we just need to make sure it is clearly visible for the TA to give a grade. Right now all of them are hidden. The format is simple Topic sentence. 1-2 background sentence. Quote analysis. 1-2 background sentence quote analysis and end the paragraph by showing how they are similar. It’s just that simple please. I am not sure if I will be able to get any more feedback after this so please make sure you have given it your best its honestly very simple as all of the things and feedback that has been given was already in the handbook that right now seems like you didn’t read
05:45 PM
On it
05:48 PM
Please get this sorted by 11PM so I can read through make some final edits and submit as it is due at 11:59 pst
06:09 PM
so you have about 4hrs and 50 mins
06:09 PM
Okay
06:17 PM
Let me speed up
