Your task today is to edit this 2000 word essay using the feedback that is written in the brackets.
The outline must contain the following:
A clear thesis statement
PETAL dot points for 5 body paragraphs- including direct quotes from both texts. Each body paragraph must contain at least 1 ETA per text, but more will score higher. You may also include segways to help you. Each paragraph plan/set will look something like this:
P: The point of your paragraph, stating your point of comparison, supported by a thematic statement
ETA for Text 1- including a direct quote, technique and basic argument for your analysis
ETA for Text 2- same as Text 1
Link- show how this argument connects to your thesis statement.
This is the essay:
Paragraph 1
Traditional notions of masculinity and cultural identity are challenged in both William Shakespeare’s “Macbeth” and the 2018 film “Black Panther.” In “Macbeth,” Lady Macbeth prods her husband’s ambition, stating “I have no spur/To prick the sides of my intent, but only/Vaulting ambition” (1.7.25-27). Meanwhile, the film depicts the Jabari tribe’s village as “inspired by the Dogon community in Mali, elegantly displaying the tribe’s unwavering dedication to preserving their time-honored customs.” Both texts question conventional expectations. As Lady Macbeth chides her husband, asking “Was the hope drunk/Wherein you dressed yourself? Hath it slept since?/And wakes it now, to look so green and pale/At what it did so freely? From this time/Such I account thy love” (1.7.39-43). Similarly, “Black Panther” presents Wakanda’s palace of Shuri as a place where “cutting-edge technology intertwines with African aesthetics, a harmonious convergence of tradition and modernity emerges.” While Macbeth struggles internally with his masculine flaws, the challenges in “Black Panther” come from external cultural shifts, yet both texts compel a reassessment of traditional gender and cultural norms. This prompts readers to reconsider such conventions in a modern context, as explored through the thesis.
( You need to revist the argument, as the comparison is not clear. Focus just on Masculinity in both texts for stronger analysis, at the moment cultural content is not relevant.)
Paragraph 2
In Shakespeare’s tragedy “Macbeth,” the protagonist’s assertion, “I dare do all that may become a man; Who dares do more is none,” encapsulates the profound influence of external forces on individual identity. Macbeth’s journey from valiant warrior to ruthless tyrant is spurred by his encounter with the witches and fueled by the manipulative machinations of his wife, Lady Macbeth. The witches’ prophecies plant the seed of ambition in Macbeth’s mind, igniting a desire for power that consumes him. Lady Macbeth, driven by her own ambition and thirst for dominance, goads her husband into action, pushing him to commit regicide and seize the throne. The couple’s descent into darkness is a testament to the transformative power of external influences on the shaping of identity.
Similarly, in the Marvel film “Black Panther,” the character of T’Challa, also known as Black Panther, grapples with the influence of external forces on his sense of self. As the newly crowned king of Wakanda, T’Challa is faced with the challenge of balancing tradition with progress, as well as the responsibility of protecting his nation from external threats. In the realm of Shuri’s laboratory, where cutting-edge technology intertwines with African aesthetics, a harmonious convergence of tradition and modernity emerges, reflecting the clash of external influences on identity. T’Challa’s struggle to reconcile his duties as king with his own personal values and beliefs mirrors Macbeth’s internal conflict, as both characters navigate the complexities of their respective worlds.
The juxtaposition of the quotes “Fair is foul, and foul is fair” from “Macbeth” and “The architectural blueprint of the Border Tribe Outpost reflects the tribe’s dedication to protecting Wakanda” from “Black Panther” further underscores the theme of external influences on identity. In “Macbeth,” the witches’ proclamation speaks to the moral ambiguity inherent in the characters’ actions, blurring the line between right and wrong. Similarly, in “Black Panther,” the architectural design of the Border Tribe Outpost reflects the tribe’s unwavering commitment to defending Wakanda against outside threats, highlighting the external pressures that shape their identity as protectors of the nation.
Both narratives offer a compelling exploration of the impact of external forces on character identity, leading to moral dilemmas and consequential actions. Whether it be the allure of power in “Macbeth” or the imperative of safeguarding Wakanda in “Black Panther,” the protagonists grapple with intricate identity dilemmas molded by the compelling demands and pervasive influences of their distinct surroundings. Through their respective journeys, they confront the complexities of human nature and the transformative power of external forces on the shaping of individual identity.
( Still need to refer to techniques and find more relevant evidence. The communication needs work, and there isn’t enough connection between all of the ideas in this paragraph)
Paragraph 3
In Shakespeare’s play Macbeth, the eponymous character’s unchecked ambition ultimately leads to his demise. From the beginning of the play, Macbeth’s ambition is evident as he contemplates regicide in response to the witches’ prophecy that he will become king. This ambition grows unchecked as he begins to view murder as a means to an end, stepping so deeply into bloodshed that returning would be just as difficult as continuing forward (3.4.136-138). His wife Lady Macbeth also embodies uncontrolled aspiration, convincing Macbeth to murder King Duncan so that the crown may be seized. The pair are willing to employ underhanded methods like witchcraft, symbolized by their chanting of incantations intended to conjure chaos, in pursuit of power (4.1.10-11).
Similarly in Black Panther, Erik Killmonger displays unchecked ambition that brings harm. As a Wakandan exile raised in America after his father was killed, Killmonger believes “the strongest and most ruthless should rule” Wakanda. When he returns seeking the throne, Killmonger tells T’Challa “I waited my whole life for this. I killed my enemy, took his weapon. Buried him in the ocean where no one will ever find him. Now I’m here to claim my birthright.” This quote illustrates how Killmonger’s unbound ambition to rule Wakanda at all costs, even through ruthless means like regicide, overrides moral concerns and threatens his homeland, mirroring Macbeth’s corruption.
As Macbeth’s thirst for authority expands, claiming ever more lives, he descends into paranoia and tyranny with no regard for morality. Likewise, as Killmonger gains power through manipulative schemes, his ambition grows without restraint, willingness to unleash weapons to sow global chaos. In both texts, an initial small compromise of principles for the sake of ambition snowballs into much graver transgressions and ruinous results.
(This is looking okay, although it is often reteeling the story more than analysising it. There needs to be techniques too. This has a big impact on the grade. The quotes are also too long)
Paragraph 4
In Shakespeare’s tragedy Macbeth, the honorable thane Macduff emerges as a redemptive figure despite the bleak destruction wrought by tyranny in Scotland. As Macbeth’s illegitimate rule oppresses the country, “great tyranny” is allowed to lay its foundation without moral restraint (4.3.25). In response, Macduff bravely stands against the tyrant’s “brief” and “poor” reign anchored in criminality rather than integrity (5.5.24,26). Through his commitment to principles of justice, honor and defense of the realm, Macduff transforms from a supporting character into the catalyst who defeats Macbeth and restores order.
Similarly in Black Panther, the Border Tribe finds renewal through upholding their traditions of guardianship with contemporary innovation. As Wakanda’s first line of protection, the Border Tribe embodies a harmonious fusion of paying homage to the past while embracing technological progress. Rather than ambition or extremism, the Tribe grounds its purpose and identity in safeguarding Wakanda through principles of duty, loyalty and principled flexibility. When others threaten to undermine Wakanda’s stability, the Border Tribe remains steadfast in its role, defending both the physical borders and philosophical foundations of their homeland.
Just as Macduff’s integrity compels him to remove the corrupt usurper Macbeth, the Border Tribe’s ethical clarity inspires them to counter internal and external forces putting Wakanda at risk. Despite facing complex dilemmas, both find redemption through prioritizing honor over self-interest.
(This has way too much retelling the story than analysing. The quotes are also too long. Has very little technique and analysis)
Paragraph 5
The theme of cultural identity and authentic representation is profoundly explored in both William Shakespeare’s tragedy “Macbeth” and the 2018 blockbuster film “Black Panther.” In “Macbeth,” the main character grapples with his Scottish cultural roots and masculinity as his ambitions spiral out of control. Shakespeare utilizes the quote “For mine own good,/All causes shall give way” to underscore Macbeth prioritizing his desires over honoring his cultural heritage and traditions. In contrast, “Black Panther” celebrates African identity through its vivid portrayal of the fictional advanced nation of Wakanda. The film is praised for its detailed incorporation of diverse architectural styles that reflect the depth and complexity of real-world African cultures. By adding “layers of visual depth” through production design, the film authentically represents various elements of identity beyond simplistic stereotypes.
Both texts emphasize that once aspects of identity are distorted or denied for selfish gains, as seen in Macbeth’s actions, the consequences cannot be reversed as indicated by his quote “What’s done cannot be undone.” However, “Black Panther” suggests a more positive approach through its acclaimed representation of Africa. A key thematic through-line emerges – the significance of genuine portrayal of cultural identities. By delving beyond surface level stereotypes, complex stories can be told that resonate with audiences on a deeper level. While “Macbeth” serves as a cautionary tale of the dangers of abandoning one’s cultural roots, “Black Panther” celebrates the vibrancy of African heritage.
( The biggest challenge in the overall essay, is that there is way too much retelling the story, and some arguments are repetitive. There shouldn’t be any refering to external sources more than your own analysis of themes and techniques that use specific evidence.)
