You should rewrite sentences that I have marked as unclear, this may
require breaking them into multiple paragraphs, changing the phrasing,
or being more precise in your wording.
o Take “In reply to Rowlands’ argument, I would say that…” and
break the claim into multiple sentences, remind your reader what
the author has claimed or what you have already discussed:
“According to Rowlands, the “right to belief” is not a default
or moral right based on the fact that we are human beings.
Instead, the right to belief is an entitlement, which means that
we must be committed to defending ourselves when challenged or
criticized. However, I would argue that Rowlands fails to…”
– Assume your readers have not done the reading – you should take
multiple sentences to define any technical or non-ordinary term, such as
“objective” “hedonism” “intrinsic” and so on. Give me examples for
all the important ideas and explain how the example relates.
o For example, “According to the hedonist, the experience of
pleasure is the only intrinsic good. An intrinsic good is
something that is good for its own sake, not for what it brings
about. If you are happy then that is itself good, there is nothing
else that you need in order to have “goodness.” Conversely, if
you have money this is merely an instrumental good, valuable
because of what it brings about. If you spent money on something
that made you happy, then that happiness would be intrinsically
valuable, and explain why the money is valuable as well.”
– Remove sentences and/or entire passages that are repetitive or
irrelevant, as a writer/philosopher I have come to understand and
appreciate how often I have to write stuff that I do not use in the
final draft or at all – but actually writing it is necessary for me to
“Work out” what I really want to say. Not everything you write down is
useful, even though it took time and effort. Trust me, its normal!
– Add examples and provide further clarification for your readers – for
every term or idea give me an example (real or fictional) and explain to
your readers how it relates to the topic – pretend your readers do not
know anything, even if it seems repetitive. Be as specific as possible
– instead of referring to “arguments” “claims” and the like tell me
exactly what you or the author thinks – “I will tell you why I
disagree” replace with “I disagree because…”
– Re-organize paragraphs so the ideas fit and flow better – take time to
just
think about the main or most important ideas in the paper – how do
they relate to each other? Are they like dominos that fall down in a
particular order? Is it a “shotgun” approach that provides a bunch of
different problems? Is it a “narrative” where each part builds into a
story?
– Remove sentences and/or entire passages that are repetitive or
irrelevant, as a writer/philosopher I have come to understand and
appreciate how often I have to write stuff that I do not use in the
final draft or at all – but actually writing it is necessary for me to
“Work out” what I really want to say. Not everything you write down is
I have already wrote 2 pages of work I just need someone to add on to it to make it at least 1,000 words. I have sent a rough draft about susan wolf and Hunter s Thompson
