Submit your new, revised draft of Essay 1 or Essay 2 here. This is your final exam for our class. I’ll be evaluating your draft on how thoroughly and successfully you addressed the comments I made on your final draft–I promise I won’t take points off for something I didn’t mention on that draft, but you do need to make substantial improvements.
Need to fix mistakes and annitations.
I think this should be the essay you revise for your final–there’s a lot here that’s working, but there’s a lot that still needs to be done to fulfill this specific assignment. It would give you a lot of scope for revision (and I think you’d learn something useful in the process, which is the real goal of revision).
1. Is the subject defined clearly? Does the review give the reader enough details and background information to understand the reviewer’s evaluation?
The intro needs to do more to set up your particular ad–it’s more about the background and the problems with advertising than it is about your ad, and while those things can definitely be addressed here, the ad needs to stay at the center. It’s missing a number of required steps (see the structure handout) that would orientate your readers.
2. Does the reviewer’s evaluation come across clearly? Do you understand what the reviewer’s criteria are? Are they reasonable criteria?
Not yet, because the argument wants to be about the problems/pressures of advertising when it needs to focus on this specific ad. The topic sentences and thesis both need to be realigned with the specific task here. I think your more general comments on advertising would work better at the end of body paragraphs (or, perhaps even better, make for a really stunning conclusion that puts the ad into a larger context).
3. Does the review seem balanced? Is the tone appropriate?
It’s missing its required audience and balance paragraphs.
4. Have you avoided errors in grammar, spelling, punctuation, and documentation?
It’s missing its citation–you need to cite the ad.
5. Does the arrangement (organization) suit your purposes and is it easy to follow?
