hey I have this essay I wrote and It needs to be edited. my prof. didn’t like it because it seemed like a summery not a claim. also the body paragraphs didn’t follow the blueprint of the thesis. and it needs to have a structure. I have attached some documents that will help you to follow the instructions and sample essays on how it needs to look like. can you please focus more on making the essay more about claim and not a summary please. I was struggling on that. the most important thing is the thesis and the body paragraph following the blueprint of each other.
this is the comment:
“I am not able to give the essay a passing grade because it does not demonstrate understanding of essay structure or unity. You do not have a thesis that is clearly aligned with your body paragraphs, and your topic senetnces tend to be facts/summary, not claims that are then supported in the rest of the paragraph using specific details. You gist here is to make many claims about the film and about the quality of the film, but you are not following the 30/70 rule where only a third or less of a paragraph can be claims and the rest of the paragraph must support that claim in a very specific way. You also tend to slip into summary here, where your purpose is to tell what happened; your purpose is supposed to be to support a claim that is worthy of detailed development. This assignment requires you to use critical thinking in choosing which details support a claim and audience awareness in understanding what a reader needs to be told to either believe you or know what you are talking about.
So, the essay needs some rethinking. I really do think that you have some very good ideas to work with here, but you need to show me essay structure.”
