Dear Writer,
I need assistance in editing/improving this investment proposal in accordance to the comments provided by my classmates and professor. I have attached the first paper submission as the document called AMDP Investment Proposal.
Comments to help improve this paper:
1. I do not know too much about their brand so I really enjoyed how you went into detail with the company background, financials, and current position. However, I think one suggestion for future improvement is to cut down on the wordiness. Some of your points seem to be run-on sentences and were a bit confusing to understand.
2. What worked well was your insights into McCartney’s eco-friendly initiatives and the external sources. The proposal case could address concerns raised about social responsibility issues from external sources.
3. I think you did a really good job explaining the different concepts and each of the different aspects off Stella McCartney. There are just a few really small things that could have been more developed. It would have been beneficial to have an introductory paragraph or few sentences before going right into the standards. I also think the 3 Ps could have been expanded on and broken down so that we can really read about each one. Social enterprise also seemed like you did not completely understand the concept because the paragraph uses “social” a lot. And I think the third industry made the proposal a tad bit longer than it needed it to be, but I really like how you added animal welfare in the proposal.
4. The paper did not seem too much like an investment memo. I think you could improve on being more convincing and making the case for the company. I believe format, organization, and style could also be improved. Great work on bringing in third-party appraisal.
Below I have also attached the original instructions for the paper provided by my professor. Feel free to edit the paper with above points and your own judgement. Please let me know if you have any questions!
