Getting to Know Yourself, Finally
By J. D. Moyer
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“Self-knowledge” has a pretentious ring to it, but it’s really a down-to-earth concept. Do you know yourself? Do you understand what makes you tick? Do you have some grip on what’s important to you? Are you aware of your likes and dislikes?
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Self-knowledge comes to people at different stages in life. Some ten-year-olds know, unwaveringly, exactly who they are and what they want to do in life. Other people die old and regretful, always living other people’s agendas and never grabbing what they wanted out of life for themselves.
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It can be disruptive to look inward. When you turn a spotlight on your own values, desires, and sense of purpose, that can create cognitive dissonance with the current reality of your life. You might end up quitting a job, ending a friendship, or moving to a different city. Or you might reaffirm existing aspects of your life and “double down” on what makes you happy.
cognitive dissonance: a feeling of discomfort that comes from holding contradictory beliefs. For example, imagine a doctor who spends her days counseling patients about the dangers of smoking—and who truly believes smoking is bad—but is addicted to smoking herself. Her beliefs about smoking contradict her actions and might cause mental discomfort.
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The process itself can be emotionally exhausting and mentally difficult. It’s hard to “zoom out” and think about your life in the abstract. On the other hand it’s also simple. What’s working? What isn’t? What makes you happy? What makes you crazy?
The dividends of investing in active self-knowledge are enormous. To live your life “on purpose” instead of by inertia means more happiness, more clarity, better health, and better relationships.
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It also means a better world. When you encounter social systems and structures that conflict with your values and purpose, and you know what your values and purpose are, there will be heat and friction. You’ll resist. Millions of individuals resisting adds up to social change.
So where do you start?
The Self-Knowledge Blueprint
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There are a multitude of practices that might lead to increased self-knowledge, including meditation, cognitive therapy, and journaling. In this post I’ll look at a very direct approach—grappling directly with questions of purpose, values, and ethics.
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For myself, trying to answer the following questions, in writing, as concisely as possible, has resulted in some major “a-ha!” moments and life course corrections:
