Cornelius, a high-profile and nationally beloved graphic wood sculptor from Shropshire, turned 81, and celebrated his birthday with a lavish party in Moldova. However, whilst partying for his birthday, Cornelius felt a sharp pain in the in his right leg. He visited a homeopathic doctor, who informed him that his humours were irretrievably out of balance, and that he only had a ‘finite amount of time left on this planet’. After digesting this news, Cornelius decided he needed to choose what should happen to his vast collection of swag after he passed away. As his dear wife, Cloelia, had died 20 years ago in a horrific badminton accident, and he had never remarried or even taken another partner, deciding how his swag should be distributed was a tricky decision to make. To set out how his swag should be given away, Faustus, Cornelius’ only friend, bought him a DIY will writing kit from the pound shop. In his homemade, but valid and witnessed, will he made the following bequests: a) For a good number of my sculptures to be given to the British public via the Vagina Museum of London. My graphic wood carvings have great popularity among the British people, who treasure them greatly. To help assist with designating the sculptures to be given to the British public, my contemporary (but inferior) sculptor, Rufinus, will make the allocation. All remaining sculptures are to be given to my good friend(s), with the remaining sculptures distributed equally among them. b) For my two hotels, the Circus Maximus (Dorset) and the Trevi (Suffolk), to be distributed between my two nieces, Servilia and Drusilla. As Drusilla has had a harder life and needs assistance with recovering from ‘her status as a fallen woman’, she shall have first pick. However, given that Drusilla lives in Norfolk, I presume she will select the Trevi hotel due to the practicalities. The property not selected by Drusilla will go to Servilia; c) For my shares in Wood Turners’ Fortnightly to Faustus. He knows what he is to do with the property, and who I favour most. Faustus, who had not yet been told what was to happen to the shares in Wood Turners’ Fortnightly, asked what he was to do with them. Cornelius replied that the income from the shares was to be used to look after his illegitimate daughter, Sextia. Sextia was born after a one-night stand with an actress from Guadalcanal, and was never disclosed to Cloelia. Given the impact Sextia’s existence, and the impact of the public knowing of his indiscretion, would have on his reputation, his relationship to her could never be made public. Shocked, but understanding, Faustus agreed to distribute the income from the shares to Sextia. Shortly after writing the will, Cornelius attended the Wood Turners’ annual Christmas party, and bumped into a member of the British Arts Council. The member of the Arts Council informed Cornelius that due to government funding cuts, the Arts Council was no longer able to fund any wood sculpting projects. Distressed by this news, Cornelius decided it was his moral duty to act and reverse this. Therefore, he decided to leave a substantial amount of money to the Arts Council to help fund graphic wood sculpting – irrespective of what was being sculpted. In the document itself, he made the payment directly to the ‘Wood Sculptors of Britain’. Two months ago, whilst trying to finish his latest sculpture, Cornelius’ leg spasmed, causing him to fall over. In the process of falling over, the chainsaw he was using fell from his hands and severed his right arm. With no one around to notice the accident, and with Cornelius unable to move, he passed away from blood loss. With his death not being predicted, Cornelius had not transferred the shares to Faustus. Unfortunately, on the same day that Cornelius died, Drusilla was working with a client when she fell off the client’s balcony and died instantly. In the will itself, both Faustus and Rufinus have been made executors. Last week, Faustus informed Sextia of Cornelius’ wishes for the use of the shares. Hearing that she would have a steady income, she decided that day to purchase 70,000 Nikki Haley president masks. They were due to arrive in September, but she was informed yesterday they would not arrive until 2025 at the earliest due to a rival order that was placed the day after hers but at a higher price. Her plans for the masks, if they do not arrive in September, would be ruined. Advise both Faustus and Rufinus on the validity of Cornelius’ bequests, and Sextia on the remedies available in regards her order. The ‘W
